


the one where stevie and patrick get wasted

by skywalkerz



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Best Friends Stevie Budd & David Rose, David Rose Loves Patrick Brewer, David Rose is a Good Person, Domestic Boyfriends, Drunk Patrick Brewer, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Patrick Brewer loves David Rose, alcohol mention, david rose taking care of the people he loves, everybody is wasted except david and he is not having it, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26386027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skywalkerz/pseuds/skywalkerz
Summary: Stevie and Patrick have a one-on-one bonding experience involving lots of alcohol. Cue David having to play the sober mom role.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 10
Kudos: 111





	the one where stevie and patrick get wasted

**Author's Note:**

> based off of this past weekend where my gf had to deal with my drunk ass. i never write for this fandom but enjoy i guess??

"Daaaaaaavid!" A choir of his name from both Stevie and Patrick is what David gets when he opens the door to Patrick's apartment. 

"Oh my god, okay." He says, hands up in his natural method of defense, cutting the two of them off, only for the pair to be set off into a fit of giggles. 

Of course. The one, singular night where David goes out to dinner with his mother, Patrick and Stevie thought it would be a wonderful idea to hang out and get wasted and be completely obnoxious so that when David came home, he could play the sober-mom-friend role. Of course that would be his fate. 

"David. David, c'mhere." Patrick motions for him to come to the couch where he and Stevie are curled up with far too much alcohol for anyone's own good on the coffee table with various shot glasses. David can't help the cringed look that must be plastered on his face. 

David reluctantly walks to the couch, immediately being pulled down by Patrick, arm almost ripped from the socket. 

"Wow, you smell like alcohol so badly, thank you," David grits out as Patrick gets close, shoulders knocking together as he throws an arm around his boyfriend. David notes the way Patrick's head lulls onto David's shoulder.

"I was jus' tellin' Stevie how much I love you." Patrick slurs, clearly beyond fucked up. Stevie has no commentary besides added laughter and wheezing, as if Patrick is the funniest person on the damn planet. Patrick lets the arm previously wrapped around David's shoulder come loose and takes that opportunity to grip David's thigh instead, creeping his hand all the way up and - 

"Okay!" David announces, prying Patrick's hand away from his crotch. He then inches away subtly from Patrick. As much as he loves the man, the stench of his breath right now is absolutely dreadful. 

"Wow, honey, I really love you, too. How about we all put the alcohol away and get ready for bed, huh? I love how that sounds." David stresses, voice dripping with fake pep and optimism. He gently pries the cup out of Patrick's grasp, rolling his eyes at the fact the cup is basically empty. "You really drank a lot, mmm." David purses his lips together, trying to remain kind and helpful despite the exhaustion and the migraine he's currently battling. 

Stevie rests back against the couch cushions and she sips a red beverage through a straw. "David, I am not your boyfriend, so I am not listening to you. Also, I am drunk. And I am going to keep drinking things that make me drunk-er." She says simply, winking at him in the process, and oh god, why. 

Patrick hits her on the knee, giggling, his shoulders shaking and face scrunched. 

"Pat, here, is quite the drinking champ." She claps him on the back.

"Okay, for the millionth time, we are not doing _Pat."_ David insists, shooting a glare at Stevie. "And y'know, maybe you should stop drinking simply for the fact it is a Wednesday night at 10:04 p.m. and we all have adult jobs tomorrow, hmm?" 

Stevie flips him off, sipping the rest of her drink. 

"Okay, Patrick, up, c'mon. Why don't we take a shower, yeah? Sober you up a little?" David suggests, gently assisting Patrick to his feet, holding onto him when he starts to sway. 

"Are you g'nna get in the shower with me, D'vid?" Patrick questions, all of his words slowly starting to blend together in a way David could typically find endearing, but currently, despises. 

David continues to practically herd Patrick to the bathroom. "All good suggestions, why don't we focus on getting you in the shower first, okay, honey?" David says, plastering on the best fake smile he can muster. 

"Have fun, Pat!" David hears Stevie call. 

"Okay, I am so over that nickname, the next time I hear it, I'm going to put glass in your pillowcase," David practically shouts, throwing Stevie a bitchy smile, and then whips around towards Patrick, pushing him towards the bathroom and shutting the door when the two of them are inside. 

"David, David," Patrick chants, hands resting over David's chest, eyes glazed and half-lidded.

"What?" David asks, soft this time.

"Kiss me. Okay? Please kiss me," And when Patrick goes to lean in, he essentially just collapses into his boyfriend, nuzzling into his neck. 

"Up, come on." David instructs, already pulling up the hem up Patrick's undershirt. When the shirt is discarded, David leaves Patrick to fiddle with his belt and jeans as he turns the shower faucet on.

"David, my belt broke." Patrick pouts, groaning.

"You're fuckin' kidding me right now." David says to no one in the echo of the shower as he struggles with the knobs. 

Once the water is running and heating up, David goes to a flustered Patrick. "Your belt isn't broken. It is - It's backwards. Jesus, Patrick, what the hell," David mumbles to himself as he eventually gets the belt off, and helps Patrick shake out of his jeans. 

"Thank you, David. You're so smart. I love you, I really, really really -"

"I love you too, baby, okay, but now I need you to get in the shower and try to not die for me, okay? I'm going to get some water and find Advil. Can you do that for me?" David asks with all patience he has left as he guides Patrick into the steaming shower.

Patrick just nods, humming in content as the stream hits him. David sighs and lets the shower curtain go, praying to Gods he doesn't even believe in that Patrick will manage six minutes without him.

When David heads to the kitchen to retrieve the water, Stevie is passed out on the couch, unattractive and mouth open. David has to take a picture quickly, because how could he not? After he lets himself have one humorous moment, he pulls Stevie onto her side, brushing brunette strands of hair back. He fetches a nearby blanket and tosses it over her, making sure to bring it up to her chin, tucking her in subtly. He tucks one more strand off of her forehead and goes to grab a glass of water and medicine. 

David braces himself when he enters the bathroom, noting immediately how steamy and fogged up the room is.

"Hey, honey, you okay in here?" David asks, going to pull back the curtain. 

"Babyyyyyyyyyyyy, could I get a towel?" Patrick asks. He definitely sounds less drunk, less obnoxious, as if the shower has put him in some trance. David hopes it sticks around.

"I got one here, honey. Ready to get out?" David asks, grabbing the towel. Patrick just nods, scrubbing over his face one final time.

It is a slow process, making sure Patrick dries himself off, even if it is agonizingly slow. And then, having to get him to the bedroom, getting him dressed like he is a toddler - one article of clothing at a time at a speed so slow, it makes David want to kill himself. But still, he helps Patrick into boxers after Patrick nearly tumbles over, helps him find both arm holes in his t-shirt and guides it over his head. The entire ordeal takes fifteen minutes and David is fucking thrilled for the first time in his life seeing Patrick go from naked to clothed. 

Finally, David just has to force Patrick to swallow medicine, which should not be difficult, but evidently is a very hard task for a drunk person. Or, at least, a drunk Patrick.

"Bed, come on." David says gently, hand on Patrick's elbow as he guides him to the mattress. 

"Wait. I still wanna talk." Patrick complains. He sounds a bit better, but he is for sure still slurring and David isn't quite sure Patrick's eyes are even open half of the time when he speaks. 

"Come on, party boy, we can talk tomorrow. Promise." David ensures, pressing a soft kiss on Patrick's temple as he edges him to sit down on his side of the bed.

"Nowwwww." Patrick is looking up at David with such innocence, such sweetness, David swears Patrick looks 20-something years-old in this state. 

David hushes him with a kiss to the lips, soft and chaste. "Come on," His voice growing more tender. He bends down slightly to fetch Patrick's legs and swings them up onto the bed. 

With a delicate touch, David presses against Patrick's chest to force him to lie down. David crosses across the room, getting into his side of the bed. He maneuvers Patrick's shoulders so that he is on his side, as well. 

Settling in, and flicking the light off, David snuggles into the bed himself, letting himself be as close as possible next to his boyfriend. 

"You're so good t'me, David. Thank you," Patrick says sleepily, eyes closed and ready for exhaustion to take over him.

David trails a hand along Patrick's back with the arm he has thrown over him. "Mmm, go to sleep, honey. Love you so much." David whispers. And you know what, he really does mean that. Despite the drunk pain Patrick can apparently be, David could not love him even more than he does. 


End file.
